I have told my family that I'm an atheist. An emotional experience, to be sure, but one that I feel compelled to tell. I was so afraid of revealing this to my family; afraid of what would change, afraid of facing their disappointment. What makes this so important, though, is that the more people there are that are vocal about their atheism, the safer and easier it will be for others to make themselves known. My first piece of advice: don't rush it. Generally speaking, rushing into things is typically driven by emotion, and you need to keep a clear head when dealing with an emotional topic. And, be assured, this will be emotional for your family if they (like mine) are religious. Keeping a clear head is also especially important while telling them. Talking to my family, I faced teary eyes, and pleas about not wanting to spend eternity without me. I didn't discard these kinds of statements, but rather acknowledged them as how the other person felt, and that they strongly believe in these things. But what is important for them to understand is that I no longer believe what they do, and I can't fake it, nor should I. If God does exist, would he be satisfied with a poser? They don't have evidence to believe what they believe, and yet they still believe. Whatever allows them to reconcile those beliefs just doesn't exist within me; I need a reason to believe - I need evidence. My predictions of how my family would react wasn't exactly accurate. They were upset, to be sure, but they still surprised me. Apparently I'm not as good at hiding my feelings as I thought, as one of them told me they weren't surprised, and they would be surprised if anyone else in the family was. That certainly took a lot of the pressure off at that point. At least as far as my fear of how they thought of me would change. Obviously they already suspected I felt differently about the supernatural, and God specifically. Telling my parents was perhaps the most difficult. They raised me to believe in God, so my lack of belief would almost unfailingly have an impact on their thoughts of having done a good job. I took this for what it was worth, and did my best to assure them that they did nothing to fail me, that it was a decision I made on my own. What I thought important to say to them was to ask them if they thought I was a good, kind, and decent person. Their answer was what I thought it would be: "yes, of course, and that's why this hurts so much." What they meant was that yes I'm a good, kind, and decent person, but my lack of belief was going to send me to hell, which is what would hurt them so much. This response, while genuine, is emotionally driven. It is important not to react in kind. Keep your cool, otherwise those negative reactions you were afraid of might come to the surface. The best advice I can give is to just be honest. If they ask a question that you don't have an answer to, be honest about not knowing. And always acknowledge that you understand what they're saying and how they feel. You are looking for the same from them, so it's best to show what you are looking for. When faced with disappointment such as my parents expressed, I made it clear to them that I thought that I am who I am because of them. That everything good about me is because they showed me how to be a good person, and to be a positive contribution to society. I am kind, generous, and decent because they showed me those things, and while they may attribute those things to their religion and what they believe, I would argue they would be all of those things absent that religion. There may be a time to be firm, as there was with me, so I will share this as well. My mother told me I was being duped, and called into question my intelligence. If you do not address this at the time, it may be near impossible to establish this as a boundary in the future. While it is ok for your family or friends to disagree with your position, it is not ok for them to express it in such a manner that belittles you. I told her that I respect that she disagrees with my views, but that it is not ok to speak to me disrespectfully, and that the kinds of words she used were hurtful, and it was possible to find a more respectful way of expressing her position. It's important to speak calmly when speaking like this. Speaking angrily or otherwise agressively will only cause the person you're speaking to to get defensive, and the situation will escalate into an argument. Staying calm is perhaps the second most important piece of advice I can offer. The decision you have made has most likely been brewing for some time, and you've come to it based on research you've done, both into religion itself (whichever you're coming away from), and your understanding of science and reality. For myself, it has been a long journey getting here, and I've had plenty of time to weigh things out, and process what my decision means. But, it was important for me to go into it understanding that those I was telling did not have the benefit of the time I've had, or the awareness of all the things I've researched. There was an expectation of questions and concerns, and doubts that I was making the best, most informed decision. Being prepared for possible questions is important, not only to help your family and friends understand your position, but to help you remain calm when you are confronted with them. Resist the urge to get defensive. The third piece of advice I would have for those thinking of having a similar discussion with their loved ones would be research, research, research. This is a big deal to those in your life who love you and who are religious, and they are going to ask tough questions, so be clear about your reasons. If it's all about rebellion, or to fit in with friends, or something wishy-washy, you'll be seen for that. Further to that, you would need to re-examine your decision if you were really being honest with yourself. You will need to invest some time into completing this part, and it involves researching both sides. Some have said the best way for a christian to become an atheist is to read the bible. Be aware of what it says in the Bible, paying particular attention to happenings in there such as rape, infanticide, human sacrifice, murder, slavery, and so on. Equally disturbing material can also be found in the Quran, if the reader is interested. The second thing to research is what science tells us about the universe we live in. Evolution is not the only place to hang your hat in this regard. Geology, biology, astronomy, all of the fields of science come together to paint a little piece of the bigger picture about the workings of our universe. There are important questions we ask ourselves, and not everything is known yet. Some things we can't know yet. Don't be afraid of answering, "I don't know." This is a more honest position than plugging in an assertion of a deity being responsible and citing it as knowledge. Equally as important as researching is where you get your information from. Be skeptical of all you take in, and put it to the test. When it comes to things in the scientific realm, it's best to go with those who are experts in their respective fields. The great thing about science is that it is always trying to prove things within it false just to be sure the information we have is acurate, and what can be demonstrated to be true and acurate is true and acurate whether or not certain people choose to believe it or not. If I had to recommend a scientist to start out with it would be Neil DeGrasse Tyson, an astrophysicist. Type in his name on YouTube, and go from there. There is plenty of information out there. Another great website to visit would be talkorigins.org. Most conversations on this subject will lead to things that can be explained on this site, so it is a valuable resource. The important thing is to get out there, and soak in everything you can. Before you decide to have this kind of conversation be sure that you are prepared. On every level. Above all, be sure to take into consideration the impact it might have on your safety or livlihood. If either would be in jeopardy, then leave it alone, and wait until you think it is safe. If you think it's safe, and won't negatively affect your day to day life, then, to sum up, my advice would be remain calm when you're speaking, be firm if you're being spoken to disrespectfully (while remaining calm, of course), research your position, and just be honest.
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